Dating with Bipolar Disorder: Honesty, Boundaries, and Hope
Why I’m writing this
I looked at the search terms that brought people to my website and realised something important. Many of you are trying to understand what it means to date with Bipolar Disorder, or to love someone who lives with it. I wrote this to share what I wish I had known when I was younger, and what I know now when thinking about dating someone with Bipolar Disorder.
Before the diagnosis
For most of my life, I did not realise there were chemical imbalances at play. I toggled between stretches of normal mood and periods that made no sense once the dust settled. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I at 34, after being hospitalised for two weeks. That diagnosis did not arrive politely. It arrived with a chart, a wristband, and a mirror.
Across 25 years of adulthood I have been in three long-term relationships. In my earlier years I told myself I was simply unlucky in love. I did not look closely at my patterns, I did not ask whether there was a deeper reason my relationships were not working.
The eight-year blur
Between my first and second relationship I had an eight-year period where the party never ended. Little sleep, substances to extend the night, a lifestyle that rewarded intensity and constant motion. I felt invincible. I did not appreciate how much this was rewiring my brain and what it was doing to my body. I could not see the correlation between that lifestyle and the early warning signs of mania that were building under the surface.
Feelings Thermometer – Free Mental Health Check-In Tool
The one that got away
In my early thirties I met someone who changed me. She saw my potential, protected my wellbeing, and wanted what was best for me. I had hit the jackpot. For a while I chose safety. Then I drifted back to the rush. I chased big, shiny ideas, slept less, listened less, and told myself I would be fine. I was not fine. I lost her, and I lost the best thing that had ever happened to me.
After the diagnosis: learning the signals
After the diagnosis I had to rebuild. I read everything I could get my hands on, sat in therapy, worked with a psychiatrist, and slowly reframed what it would take to move forward. When I learned to name the early warning signs, a lot made sense. My grandiosity, the overwork that looked like discipline from the outside, the avoidance of stillness, the way I used substances to stretch a day into a blur. These were not random choices. These were signals.
What keeps me steady now
I have done a lot of work to understand what was driving my behaviour and how to change it. Accountability matters more than speeches. Sleep is sacred. Consistency is not boring, it is oxygen. I have had two other relationships since my diagnosis. They did not go the distance, but they taught me how to communicate early, how to hold boundaries, and how to part ways with honesty when we could not see a healthy path forward.
I do not know what the future will hold, but I am optimistic. I want a family, I want a life with deep meaning, and I refuse to live in fear of this condition. I take it seriously, I prepare for it, and I tell the truth when I see the first flickers of change. Only time will tell if my perfect match is out there, but I will be ready to show up as myself.
For those dating with the condition
For anyone living with the condition and wrestling with shame after hurting someone you love, I know the weight you are carrying. Shame keeps you stuck. Accountability gets you moving again. If you want your next relationship to be different, you need a plan that starts before crisis. Learn your early warning signs, build a routine that protects sleep and reduces stimulation, and create agreements with your care team and your partner. If you break trust, own it without excuses and do the long repair.
What you should know about dating someone with Bipolar Disorder
It can be a rollercoaster. Not always, not forever, and not for everyone, but the possibility of turbulence is real. Mania and depression can test a relationship. Financial decisions, intimacy, communication, work, family plans, all of it can be affected. You are allowed to set boundaries, you are allowed to seek your own support, and you are allowed to leave if it becomes unhealthy. None of this makes you a villain. It makes you human.
I am not saying everyone with Bipolar Disorder will fall into the same categories or behaviours. Many do not. People with this condition can be loving, faithful, steady partners. Some struggle more than others. The point is to be honest about the range of possibilities and to put structure around the relationship so both people can thrive. The strength of your bond will grow from clarity, routine, and mutual respect.
Tools that help me:
Learn early warning signs together and agree on what you will both do.
Keep sleep non-negotiable for both people.
Treat therapy like maintenance, not punishment.
Celebrate quiet, uneventful weeks. Consistency is love in action.
What I watch for now
Racing thoughts, big plans that change by the hour, pressure to move fast.
Less sleep and more stimulation, more caffeine, more screens, more noise.
Overwork that looks productive but is really avoidance.
Ignoring the people who ground me, skipping meals, skipping routines.
When I notice any of these, I pause and say it out loud. I talk to my psychiatrist and therapist, I protect sleep, I lower stimulation, and I ask for patience while I get back to baseline. Telling the truth early has saved me from bigger falls.
A note on individuality and care
What I share here goes beyond what I personally use. Everyone’s journey is different, so take what helps and leave the rest. I am a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) in training, and I am speaking from lived experience as well as what I have learned in care. If you need personalised guidance, please speak with a qualified professional.
Crystal Ball Reflection
Love does not require perfection. It requires being findable when it matters. When I name the first flicker and choose honesty over performance, I protect the person I love, the future we are building, and the version of me I am trying to become. That is not glamorous; it is steady. It is enough.
With empathy,
Shak
Feel free to check out more blog posts or follow along on Instagram for lived insights, tools, and support.
Haven’t subscribed yet?
Join the Bipolar Empath Community!
SHAK TODAY
Shak is pursuing his Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology (MACP) and will start his practicum in January. He's involved with the Canadian Mental Health Association and he's working on turning his blog, Bipolar Empath, into a book while managing his accounting business.
Stay tuned for more updates on Shak’s journey and the impact he continues to make in the mental health community!
